To a year more of crap!

This is day 365 of marooning myself in a desert-island, a self-exile of sorts, and not with any one of my top-five-all-time-desert-island favorites - allow me to be offensive. Imma spatter my gut-shit outwardly, this could be bloody.

A year has gone. One more to go. I'm still here because I have to. Hello no, I don't have to be here. But it just might be. Or I die. But I'm dying here anyway, little by little, in tiny, tiny increments.

What the fuck was I thinking? What the fuck was I thinking?

I'm here because of the job, and that need to get away, but for the work mostly, but what the fuck, I'm getting nothing, gaining nothing. Let's not even talk about the dough. No sense of gratification, fulfillment and what-not. Not even some sort of upgraded knowledge. Nada. Worse, it's probably dumbing me down, too, Mother Earth forbid.

This is exactly why I don't say much about the work, because everything's rubbish. And I just get all upset. And just spew vile all over the place. You don't need this. People don't need this. Fuck.

And I get stuck with the lamest gaggle of whatnots, too. Damn it, it would've made a huuge difference otherwise. Like whooot? Just freakin shoot me. Or I'll shoot me myself. Puhlease.

Please don't ask me how I'm doing. I'm not doing anything. No news from me, means there really is no news from me. Yes, for a freakin whole year. Merde.

A year ago today, I said goodbye to life. I didn't die. I'm in a brain-only cryonic suspension. Only they put me in the oven, not the freezer.

People like me are soo full of crap, soo darn hopeless. Seriously. We languish in misery. I know I do. And that's wretched. Damn.