(note: I wrote this about five or so years back. i’m publishing it again this 2008 new year’s day to remind myself of this, my manifesto. )
i wanna make a difference.
I wanna wake up and see the world differently. think that it is not such a bad place to live in. think of hope. think of love. of understanding. of anything but me.
i wanna create an impression. in this world, where i am more or less just a tiny speckle on a tiny white sand in an antique hourglass. i would not just think of myself as a mere dot. a spot. a dirt. i may be small, but i’m part of something enormous.
i want to believe. that there is something to believe in. that this is not just make-believe. that I exist. I.
i wanna live. live as if there are so many reasons to. to continue on breathing. taking up space in the moving world. be a being. be.
i wanna smile. laugh and be merry. as though i will never cry again. learn to enjoy my existence. giggle. cackle ‘til my cheeks burn. be happy once again.
i wanna be great. walk miles others have never dared. fly. soar high. be someone. someone.
I wanna be different.
i no longer wanna be anonymous. i wanna be named. not anymore, that unknown being, down the alley. dark. a silhouette. there should be a face. a name. a tag. to call me someone.
i no longer wanna be called someone who I am not. i wanna be rightfully called. my own. that which I can respond to. because it’s me. Me.
i no longer wanna be trampled upon. i wanna fight. assert my right. insist that I be given what I deserve. not be wrongfully accused. not be accused at all. of anything. never.
i no longer wanna be silent. i wanna speak. shout till I lose my voice. scream. let out all that’s in my head. roar.
i no longer wanna live. i wanna die. and say that I ceased to be so another can live. that I have done what I needed to do. have made my place on earth. savored my last breath thinking that it is but the beginning of a better thing out there. Better there.